So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
