Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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