he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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