there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
