I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
