people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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