Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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