wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
