She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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