so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
