The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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