So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
