Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
