So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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