Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
