im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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