Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
