How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
