Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my liver is dry heaving
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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