I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
