I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
