my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
