in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why do cheetos always look like penises
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
