How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
