He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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