I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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