Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
