Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
