wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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