You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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