Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
