Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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