doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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