he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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