all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
