I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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