I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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