I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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