apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
