I think my vagina is haunted
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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