i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
