I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
