At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
