I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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