Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
