We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
