He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
