How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
