he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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