I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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