Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
