Soap is not a condiment
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
