Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
