He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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