All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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