Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
