She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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